Yes Please!

(this is us on my 31st birthday- we flew to SLC to see Matthew's architecture project)

I keep remembering things during the day that I want to remember, but then I get here and I forget eveything I don't want to forget. Well, I'll do what I can and call it the best I can do right now since life is crazy this month.

First off- last night you started clapping!!! You've been trying to figure it out for weeks and would clasp your hands together with your fingers woven, but until last night your simple puzzled when it came to the rest. At 11 pm when Meg had finished opening her gifts, you finally got it and you were elated! Now, for the last 24 hours, you have been constantly going back and forth between your two tricks: waving and clapping. Sometimes you can't decide which to do so you try to do both. You also know to wave when I say hi and bye. It's the best!

Other faves: white bread. You would eat it all day if I let you. I already feel guilty for letting you try it. You love to pull your hair, and you are getting your two top teeth. You lay your head on my sholder now when you are tired (it's the best, Q is totally jealous), and you REFUSE to crawl. I bought you a little ball that lights of and wiggles to help you learn to crawl but at this point I don't think it will ever happen. You are determined to roll everywhere you want to go and when you can't roll somewhere, you cry until I take you there. Also- I should mention, if I haven't already, that you absolutely LOVE to be upside down. Anyway we can get you head over feet, you're all in!

Which brings me to you being quite stubborn, independent, and a bit high maintenance. Sometimes crazy Annie can be tough but I'd rather have you stubborn and ready to take on the world than too meek and mild to survive it.

As we come closer to getting our house done, I've started picturing our life together there. I even started picturing your wedding there. Oh how I am looking forward to being there... but at the same time I am positively ACHING for these days to stop and slow down. I know that these days with you and I will be remembered as the best days of my life and I will ache for them forever after this. I'm almost so entirely sad over them leaving that sometimes I can'y even enjoy these perfect moments while they are here!

One things for sure, I will never stop wanting to be with you and being amazed by you. You are perfect and I can't believe I get to spend eternity with you. Yes please!!!! There's nothing in the world and beyond that I would want more.

Happy Mothers Day

Today is my first day as a mom and, though the actual day was crumby, the mother part was perfect! You gave me a fabulous first mothers day. You slept so well and after eating at about 8 am, went right back to sleep until 10:30. Just the two of us went to church together and you played with me all during Sacrament and giggled so much and so loud in Sunday School that the entire class and the teacher stopped to admire you. When we got home you took a huge 3 hour nap and then we ate dinner and played until bed time. You are such a doll! I feel like we survived a bit of stress between 6-9 months and now it's all fun and games. You are so squishy and completely happy. You are the cutest baby I have ever seen and whenever I take you out, strangers admire you and children stop to look at you. It's not just your amazing and gorgeous face- your personality is completely captivating too. Even Uncle Bob can't take his eyes off of you and held you last night at the Diamond Talent dance recital. I find myself already grieving- seriously grieving- over you growing up and no longer being a baby! I can't handle it! I want to freeze both of us in these perfect baby moments forever. I no someday when I am old and grey that I will ache to hold sweet perfect cuddly baby you! You are absolutely perfect and I can't hardly stand to be away from you. I think you feel exactly the same way because whenever you see me for the first time after you've been with a babysitter, you cheer loudly and bounce up and down with you arms up waiting for me to come and hug you. We really have the best of times together and terrific adventures. I wish I could capture some of it and tuck it away in a bottle forever. I love being your mom Annie, it really is the best feeling and the best job and the best of everything in the whole big world.

Here are some of my favorite 8-9 month pictures of you:








Developments:

• You have learned to wave! You are even associating waving with the words hi and bye! It is perfectly exhilarating to watch you learn. I'm convinced that because of your waving, you are a genius. It's so cute to watch you think very hard in order to get just one hand to move back and forth. You have the best wave I've ever seen.
• For a while now you hold your arm up in front of you when we are walking. This is one reason why I call you Her Majesty.
• Grandma Cindy has taught you to sing into spools of thread. You love the sound so much that tonight you started to do it on your own into your little stacking blocks.
• Once, just once, this week you started covering your eyes with your hands to play peek-a-boo. You can easily hold a blanket up and down, but hands over you eyes is something entirely new.
• You love to share you bites and binks with me and get a kick out of putting things to my lips and then taking them back.
• You make silly faces like squeezing your eyes shut tight while you smile and look up or sticking your tongue out.
• Finally FINALLY you are eating. But you only really like food you can pick up and feed yourself. I still have difficulty getting you to eat baby food and you will only take a few bites of vegetables. You love fruit. Mangos and pears are your favorite right now and you LOVE drinking from a straw. Good thing I anticipated this and bought a 100-pack at IKEA last month.
• No crawling. You will not even try. It's just like how you used to be with being on your tummy. Someday. We don't give you much practice time though because someone is holding you 90% of the time. We just can't get enough of you and have trouble sharing you with each other, In fact, Q was quite upset that Grandpa Ron held you in his arms until you fell asleep at the clogging recital on Monday. It's true, everyone who knows you and sees you wants to hold you. We have quite a bit of trouble keeping strangers' hands from touching you.
• You were always cuddly but lately you have started to snuggle with me- just me! And I love it! You will put your head on my shoulder when you're tired and you always let me squeeze you in for a very long hug.
• You absolutely LOVE to be upside down. You will trow yourself backward sometimes to get us to hold you up side down. It's your favorite thing to do.
• You LOVE Buster. In fact, you don't seem to know anyone's name yet but you have been able to look at Buster every time we say his name or Doggy for a few months now. Grandpa Ron let you ride Buster this week and you went ballistic you were so thrilled. I also let you pet Buster a few times but you keep grabbing his fur to try and pull his face over because you want to touch his face not his back. You are relentless. Buster doesn't exactly like you. He'll stare at you but always keeps a distance. You love Buster in particular but you also like all dogs. It's funny how early you loved dogs- you don't even like cats or cows or other animals as much as love dogs. From the time you could turn your head you would follow Busters movements around the room and you recognize his dog sounds a mile away and always stop to turn and see him whenever you hear him coming.
• I'm pretty sure your second favorite person (after me) is currently Megan. You scream in utter bliss whenever you see her.
• We introduced you to balloons and you are now in love. I really think you could play with one balloon for entire days on end without interruption and be content. It's so funny to watch you with one though because you will try not to touch it even though we can see how badly you want to capture it because you don't want to push it away from you.
• Sugar. I have caved and officially given you several bites of sugar filled deserts like ice cream and sugar cookies. You are hooked. The expression on you face when I let you taste my sweet tooth fairy sugar cookie last night and today was one of total ecstasy and bliss. I don't blame you, but I'm a bad mommy for giving you a taste because when you cry for more I can't deny and second and third bite.
• Speaking of bites, you takes thee cutest bites I've ever seen! You really commit your whole body to it if you know you'll like what's coming (which is only sweet things like fruit and sugar). If you don't like it, you spit it out or take it out with your fingers and once you know you don't like what's on the spoon, you have developed very sophisticated methods of averting me even coming close to your lips.
• I get to put bows and clips in your hair now! and you do have wild hair mind I add. A little bit of curl. So cute. So cute!
• You sing when we go on walks and you absolutely love music. You usually sing along when you hear others singing. We are super convinced you will be very musical when you grow up. You are enamored with anything music.
• You love watching other babies and kids and will stop and focus completely whenever you see one. You are particularly fascinated with crying babies. You enjoy being a baby so much I think you wonder why on earth any other baby would cry.

You are such a content happy little think. You laugh spontaneously and smile constantly. I love you Annie! You make my entire world perfect. I ask you all the time if we can be together always and I beg you never to go away from me. Honestly, how did I get thee best baby ever? I love being your mom. I absolutely love it! I think I will just have to go on being your mom forever!!!!!!

You are a crazy girl!

You are so crazy lately that I can't get a spare second to update your journal. I'm flat out exhausted keeping up with you. I swear you are the only baby who doesn't eat or sleep and doesn't plan on eating or sleeping ever. What's more, you aren't grumpy- you are just crazy! You want to play and be entertained constantly and I can't get a thing done. You should see our toilet! I keep trying to get to it and there you are refusing to nap again. Sheesh! Mom calls you little HM (High Maintanence or Her Majesty). You even have a little Her Majesty wave when you are being held and you hold your right arm up and straight out. So I love you like crazy and wouldn't tarde you for anything, but I can't believe I'm about to say that the first 6 months seem much easier than the last 3.

As of late:

• I have caught you a few times actually playing. It's so cute. It doesn't last long (as nothing lasts long with you right now) but it is so endearing.


• You are a master roller! I honestly thought you might never roll because you refused to spend even a second on your tummy but now you roll to get where you want and tummy time is no problem. You can almost maneuver yourself to wherever you want to go but not quite forward. That will require crawling and when you learn to crawl, I'm really going to say goodbye to any free time.


• You talk and sing. Your talking is just babble, but sometimes I can here you talking to yourself when you wake up in your crib. It is the sweetest sound. You also try to sing when you here singing and we repeat notes to eachother. You are still fascinated by music and today during Conference, you were completely entranced by the choir even though during the rest of it you were CRAZY and totally oblivious to the TV.


• You like toys but get sick of them after 15 seconds. Maybe not even that long. You are getting to be a pro at chucking them.


• You REFUSE, and I do mean absolutely, at all costs, REFUSE to eat. You won't take food anyway I try to give it too you with a few exceptions: Puffs and teething buscuits. Those you love. Great- the most unhealthy things! I am pulling my hair out trying to feed you. It is aweful and so difficult and I was to cry a lot. You are giving me a run for my money. Plus- add to it all your inability to digest anything so I've had to start and stop your introduction to food 3 times. It has been and continues to be a nightmirror. You also hate juice and anything that is not your normal bottle. You won't even nurse for more than a few minutes because you get bored of it and want to look around and talk or smile. Needless to say, I'm exhausted.


• So- because you won't eat and I've had to stop feeding you multiple times because of your (poop) issues- you are not and have never slept through the night. In fact, this week you aren't even sleeping more than 2 hours before you cry. UG! DOUBLE UG! It is getting so hard. I am going on almost 9 months of no sleep and I'm ready for you to learn to sleep. We all keep telling you how lucky you are that you are so cute and happy all of the time because you are making a few other things really difficult. You are so independent and have a strong personality. I figure it's a good thing because the tougher you are, the better in such a tough and unforgiving world. Also, big news- I moved you to your crib- and not a moment too soon. You have totally and completely outgrown your cradle. It was rough going for a few weeks, You slid yourself up and smashed your head against the edge of your crib for a while but now you roll around in your sleep back and forth so much it amazes me that I don't hear you thudding acrossed your mattress. You went from being swaddled so tight and unable to move, to side sleeping, and now you are a full fledged tummy sleeper. That's pretty funny considering you are the girl who wouldn't even spen half a second on your tummy a few weeks ago.

The crazy is worth it. I've started putting you in the shopping cart at the store and I am so proud to show you off to the world. In fact, I still wonder why CNN isn't taping you every move. Last night I had you giggling so hard you fell over into my lap in laughter. I was sure all the news stations would have wanted to film you if only they had known. I've started to get sad at your fast growth. I don't want to miss of forget a second and I'm just not willing to give up your little baby moments before they leave. It really is so fast SO SOO TOO fast to be seeing you grow out of newborn and baby phases. Annie- don't grow up. I can not bare to see you a second bigger. I want to treasure these amazing moments, the moments when you rest your head on my shoulder or peak up at me and smile from my lap, or try to grab my lips. I want to freeze some of them and save them for later when I'd give anything to have them back. You are my favorite person ever. You are my Annie, and I still cannot believe you are mine! I'm going to keep you forever and ever.

Just to prove it, I'm going to buy you a house!

Annie Annie Annie-

I have been meaning to update this little journal of yours but haven't gotten to it for much too long. We have been preoccupied with crazy life. It started with you getting sick, and I do mean SUPER sick! It was the worst absolute most awful thing to hear you struggling to breathe and to hold little you in my arms and know you were miserable but I couldn't help you. I wished so many times it was me who was sick. I wished we could trade places and I could suffer through it for you. I thought of how this is only the beginning of me wishing that same wish and I will probably always be wishing to bare your burdens for you. I understand completely and suddenly how moms are able to give so much of themselves and still wish they could give more. I would do anything for you, anything in an instant. It is odd how fast my willingness to sacrifice for you came into my every fiber of being!

So you were sick- and then two days after recovery you got sick again! Oh no. It was not fun but not nearly as bad as the first time. We thought you had strawberry allergies for a minute and even took you into the doctor... AGAIN... turns out you were just sick... again. Speaking of the doctor- you had a check up last week (we are getting to know the doctor pretty well lately and paying quite a few co-pays might I add) and you had an awful rash. We couldn't figure out what it was and I assumed it was from feeding you. The doc confirmed it was a topical rash so I blamed Quinn's full FOUR squirts of soap when he bathes you. The rash abated by kept changing and has never fully left. Finally we figured it out tonight. In fact, your rash was so bad you started scratching your chest and you even started bleeding in some places (kill me now). It occurred to us that you ARE allergic to food- but not from eating it, you are allergic to touching it! Oh how bad I feel that I have been exposing you to this painful red puffy itchy rash! We are glad to have finally solved the mystery but now we have a new problem on our hands: how am I going to feed you if you can't touch food! We were FINALLY having a teeny bit of success by letting you feed yourself but now that is out. The only way I could get you to eat is to let you hold big pieces of food and suck on them or put them in your mouth yourself. You think spoons are torture devices. I'm not sure what to do now. I'm hoping it's just veggies and fruits you can't touch and that maybe I can rig up some sort of millet cracker and still feed you puffs. Ug. We have been doing millet (you hate the texture) and you love the taste of bananas, avocados, and sweet potatoes... but I know for sure you can't touch bananas and avocados so... I'm not sure how to get you to eat now. It took a month to keep you from spitting these food out and you still do half the time. Pits. You can't even touch them without your fingers turning red within a few minutes. Oh- now I feel so bad again.

Speaking of food... guess who had teeth! Yes, you! Beautiful you has beautiful teeth! Watching you grow is the most amazing miraculous thing I have ever witnessed. It is completely different when it's your own baby. It's like seeing someone grow for the first time. Your first tooth popped out on February 22nd and the second one appeared this morning! You are so big now. Just this week you have started acting so grown up and so big baby! You can sit up pretty well, grab things with you hands and fingers, and you have started to talk and sing and play games. You love to throw yourself backwards (scary for all of us involved in watching you) and you love peek-a-boo and to be lifted upside down. You also still love head bonks. Annie, you have even learned who Buster is and you look at him when we say his name to you. You sing whenever Mom plays the piano and you still smile all of the time. Your right foot is always moving moving moving and last night when grandpa stopped rocking you, you would move back and forth to get him to start again. Everything you do is the cutest most perfect and amazing thing anyone has ever done. I am positively enamored and in love with you!

New developments are coming fast now. Last night I decided I was done putting you to sleep and (painfully) it was time for you to learn to sleep on your own. I'm not sure why, but I decided since it was going to be painful anyway, to switch to a new arms free sleep sack AND put you in your crib AND stop feeding you before bed AND put you to bed earlier. Sheesh. I'm a tough mom! What was a thinking? We started yesturday and nap time was no good. 2 hours of you crying off and on (but mostly on) before I gave up and "rescued" you. In fact, I had to eat an entire IKEA candy bar to get myself through it! I kept thinking, if only she knew I haven't abandoned her and I'm really right here on the other side of the door crying with her!!!!! Oh the agony. But I was resolved, and when it was time for bed, I let you got 40 minutes before you crashed. Ready for the best news: tonight you only cried for 3 minutes and then you talked yourself to sleep with cute little baby sounds! I can't believe it. I better not say it out loud, but I think we've done it. Way to go Annie. I couldn't be more proud.

I'm proud of you every minute of the day. I spend many moments wondering why on earth there isn't a camera crew filming and documenting everything you do because OBVIOUSLY the entire world should want to see it! Sometimes it almost hurts to think I am the only one enjoying your fabulous-ness! I think to myself, why isn't everyone paying me big money just to watch how cute you are. I'm hooked on you. Totally, completely, positively HOOKED on you. And just to prove it, tomorrow I am going to buy you a house!

Here are some pics of your latest...

You love to play the piano with my mom. You've discovered the joy of hitting the keys but even more, you absolutely LOVE music and will stop whatever you are doing the second a song hits your ears.

I have been putting you in some of my 30-year-old dresses for church and this one is my favorite. You are the star of church and I love showing you off!

You've decided to be okay with your car seat for a week or two. You still HATE getting into it though and do better when the sun isn't shining so I can uncover you and let you see out. You still smile on cue.

You got your first piece of mail. It was a valentine from Lailee!


We took you to the Parade of Homes and you loved walking around and smiling at people and seeing yourself in all of the mirrors! Q carried you the whole time. Everyone admired you as we showed you off.


Q held you as he blew out the candles for his 31st B-Day. You have to have one leg out and kicking all the time. You are also mystified by his hats.


We have started visiting downstairs a lot. Sometimes we catch Grandpa Metcalf who enjoys saying hello and laughing at your silly stares and smiles.


Nor decided to brush your hair into several hairstyles this evening and this is his final creation. We thought you looked like a Hoo from Hooville.

You love attention and are so happy and content. You especially love this frog that Chris bought for the grandparents' house. You've started talking a bit and even have two beautiful teeth!

We have been trying food with not much success. We started and then stopped because you developed this horrible rash and since we've picked back up again it seems you have vetoed anything but puffs. Ug. You were the poster child until now. Food is NOT your forte.


Q sent me this photo of you on his phone when I was at work one Thursday. It was the first time you held your own bottle (unless we count that time I propped it up in your stroller at Costco). I was mad I was at work instead of with you... which happens ALL THE TIME! I can't wait to be a full time stay at home mom but I can't imagine when that will be. I wish it was now! The older you get, the more I hate leaving you for work. I thought it would be the opposite. You are the best little pal and each time I finish working I race home to see you. I don't even hope you are sleeping anymore so I can take a nap. I just have to get my arms around you and quench the aching and longing for you as fast as possible. My arms literally hurt to hold you. In fact, when you cry and someone else is holding you, I can not bare the pain of it and I have to get you into my arms as soon as possible. It's a physical longing I cannot explain and that I now believe will only increase with time. I will never not be able to hold you.

Cupcakes

We took you out for cupcakes. All the while I dreamed and imagined just the two of us coming back one day for a date when you can actually enjoy the cupcakes too!

Happy Half Birthday

Dear Annie,
Today you are 6 months old! It is completely exciting in every way. You are so big and doing such big baby things. Your progress blow my mind- but what really gets me is how suddenly and completely we are attached to one another. I can't get enough of you. Every day I spend as much time as possible kissing your chubby cheeks... and you LOVE it! You let me kiss you as often and as many times as I want. You love to cuddle with me and I love to squeeze you. My arms ache for you when we are apart for long and I am convinced you are the most beautiful, smart, perfect angel baby in the world. No really- you are. Everyone tells me this as well. For your half birthday, Q watched you while I taught school then we took you to Walmart where I bought yet another package of binks. I can't figure out where they go especially since you can't even crawl yet! After a big nap, we gave you your first food (if we don't count the apples we've been letting you suck on). You love the taste of avacodos but did not like swallowing solids (or mush anyway). Still, you did very well and enjoyed the entire experience. You let us know how awesome this new eating thing is with squeals of delight. I think the mess was your favorite part. We are hoping some real food might help you sleep longer periods of time at night. 6 months of 3 hour sleep increments is taking it's toll on your mother dearest! I am ready to sleep longer! So Happy Birthday to my amazing daughter who has made every bit of my life fuller and deeper and better in every way. Whose little hands touching my face warm my heart beyond explanation. Whose laughs and smiles are worth millions and millions of dollars. Whose perfect personality is intriguing and interesting. You are my world. I love you forever and ever. I ask you often if you can stay a cute little baby forever. You love being a baby so much and are completely happy and content all the time. It is an odd thing to be excited for your growth and progress while at the same time be totally sad that you are changing so fast. I don't want to miss it later but I know I will yearn for sweet baby Annie the rest of my life. You are beyond description. -Mum


The latest developments:

More cute dresses from 30 years ago. This was a few days before you became utterly and scarily sick beyond measure!

We now read books to you right before bed time. We think the bath was getting you a little too wound up for sleep so we are hoping this helps calm you down. Actually, I think it was working quite well until you got sick. I was putting you to bed while you were awake even... but now. Oh boy- we are back to square 1 and I am cheating by feeding you to get you to sleep.

You have started to sit up by yourself. We have to keep a close eye on you because you topple over, but you can sit unassisted for a bit. Now that you can sit up, you like this way better than sitting down. Toys are more exciting too. If I put the right toy in front of you, I can get you to stay on your tummy for maybe 4 seconds now instead of you trying to roll over before I even finish setting you down.


You were SO sick. SO SO sick for 10 days. We took you to the doctor and to the hospital. It was the worst ever Annie. So scary. Please don't scare us again. Don't ever be sick again. Your dad was going crazy out of his mind scared for you! He even called grandpa to help him give you a blessing. We have outlawed you getting sick ever again. I must tell you though, even though you were a VERY sick little baby, you didn't cry at all. You smiled through the worst of it.. and the worst was worse than we could bare. Even grandma Cindy had to walk out of the room because she couldn't stand hearing your breathing and wheezing. Oh Annie. We missed you so much while you were sick. We had almost forgotten what you were like it was so bad and so long. Thank heavens you are back!

Lailee is interested in you but you are only interested in her moving feet! Isn't that funny?!?! I though for sure you would like looking at her. Nope- You just keep trying to grab her feet. Silly Annie.