Yes Please!

(this is us on my 31st birthday- we flew to SLC to see Matthew's architecture project)

I keep remembering things during the day that I want to remember, but then I get here and I forget eveything I don't want to forget. Well, I'll do what I can and call it the best I can do right now since life is crazy this month.

First off- last night you started clapping!!! You've been trying to figure it out for weeks and would clasp your hands together with your fingers woven, but until last night your simple puzzled when it came to the rest. At 11 pm when Meg had finished opening her gifts, you finally got it and you were elated! Now, for the last 24 hours, you have been constantly going back and forth between your two tricks: waving and clapping. Sometimes you can't decide which to do so you try to do both. You also know to wave when I say hi and bye. It's the best!

Other faves: white bread. You would eat it all day if I let you. I already feel guilty for letting you try it. You love to pull your hair, and you are getting your two top teeth. You lay your head on my sholder now when you are tired (it's the best, Q is totally jealous), and you REFUSE to crawl. I bought you a little ball that lights of and wiggles to help you learn to crawl but at this point I don't think it will ever happen. You are determined to roll everywhere you want to go and when you can't roll somewhere, you cry until I take you there. Also- I should mention, if I haven't already, that you absolutely LOVE to be upside down. Anyway we can get you head over feet, you're all in!

Which brings me to you being quite stubborn, independent, and a bit high maintenance. Sometimes crazy Annie can be tough but I'd rather have you stubborn and ready to take on the world than too meek and mild to survive it.

As we come closer to getting our house done, I've started picturing our life together there. I even started picturing your wedding there. Oh how I am looking forward to being there... but at the same time I am positively ACHING for these days to stop and slow down. I know that these days with you and I will be remembered as the best days of my life and I will ache for them forever after this. I'm almost so entirely sad over them leaving that sometimes I can'y even enjoy these perfect moments while they are here!

One things for sure, I will never stop wanting to be with you and being amazed by you. You are perfect and I can't believe I get to spend eternity with you. Yes please!!!! There's nothing in the world and beyond that I would want more.

You are a crazy girl!

You are so crazy lately that I can't get a spare second to update your journal. I'm flat out exhausted keeping up with you. I swear you are the only baby who doesn't eat or sleep and doesn't plan on eating or sleeping ever. What's more, you aren't grumpy- you are just crazy! You want to play and be entertained constantly and I can't get a thing done. You should see our toilet! I keep trying to get to it and there you are refusing to nap again. Sheesh! Mom calls you little HM (High Maintanence or Her Majesty). You even have a little Her Majesty wave when you are being held and you hold your right arm up and straight out. So I love you like crazy and wouldn't tarde you for anything, but I can't believe I'm about to say that the first 6 months seem much easier than the last 3.

As of late:

• I have caught you a few times actually playing. It's so cute. It doesn't last long (as nothing lasts long with you right now) but it is so endearing.


• You are a master roller! I honestly thought you might never roll because you refused to spend even a second on your tummy but now you roll to get where you want and tummy time is no problem. You can almost maneuver yourself to wherever you want to go but not quite forward. That will require crawling and when you learn to crawl, I'm really going to say goodbye to any free time.


• You talk and sing. Your talking is just babble, but sometimes I can here you talking to yourself when you wake up in your crib. It is the sweetest sound. You also try to sing when you here singing and we repeat notes to eachother. You are still fascinated by music and today during Conference, you were completely entranced by the choir even though during the rest of it you were CRAZY and totally oblivious to the TV.


• You like toys but get sick of them after 15 seconds. Maybe not even that long. You are getting to be a pro at chucking them.


• You REFUSE, and I do mean absolutely, at all costs, REFUSE to eat. You won't take food anyway I try to give it too you with a few exceptions: Puffs and teething buscuits. Those you love. Great- the most unhealthy things! I am pulling my hair out trying to feed you. It is aweful and so difficult and I was to cry a lot. You are giving me a run for my money. Plus- add to it all your inability to digest anything so I've had to start and stop your introduction to food 3 times. It has been and continues to be a nightmirror. You also hate juice and anything that is not your normal bottle. You won't even nurse for more than a few minutes because you get bored of it and want to look around and talk or smile. Needless to say, I'm exhausted.


• So- because you won't eat and I've had to stop feeding you multiple times because of your (poop) issues- you are not and have never slept through the night. In fact, this week you aren't even sleeping more than 2 hours before you cry. UG! DOUBLE UG! It is getting so hard. I am going on almost 9 months of no sleep and I'm ready for you to learn to sleep. We all keep telling you how lucky you are that you are so cute and happy all of the time because you are making a few other things really difficult. You are so independent and have a strong personality. I figure it's a good thing because the tougher you are, the better in such a tough and unforgiving world. Also, big news- I moved you to your crib- and not a moment too soon. You have totally and completely outgrown your cradle. It was rough going for a few weeks, You slid yourself up and smashed your head against the edge of your crib for a while but now you roll around in your sleep back and forth so much it amazes me that I don't hear you thudding acrossed your mattress. You went from being swaddled so tight and unable to move, to side sleeping, and now you are a full fledged tummy sleeper. That's pretty funny considering you are the girl who wouldn't even spen half a second on your tummy a few weeks ago.

The crazy is worth it. I've started putting you in the shopping cart at the store and I am so proud to show you off to the world. In fact, I still wonder why CNN isn't taping you every move. Last night I had you giggling so hard you fell over into my lap in laughter. I was sure all the news stations would have wanted to film you if only they had known. I've started to get sad at your fast growth. I don't want to miss of forget a second and I'm just not willing to give up your little baby moments before they leave. It really is so fast SO SOO TOO fast to be seeing you grow out of newborn and baby phases. Annie- don't grow up. I can not bare to see you a second bigger. I want to treasure these amazing moments, the moments when you rest your head on my shoulder or peak up at me and smile from my lap, or try to grab my lips. I want to freeze some of them and save them for later when I'd give anything to have them back. You are my favorite person ever. You are my Annie, and I still cannot believe you are mine! I'm going to keep you forever and ever.

Just to prove it, I'm going to buy you a house!

Annie Annie Annie-

I have been meaning to update this little journal of yours but haven't gotten to it for much too long. We have been preoccupied with crazy life. It started with you getting sick, and I do mean SUPER sick! It was the worst absolute most awful thing to hear you struggling to breathe and to hold little you in my arms and know you were miserable but I couldn't help you. I wished so many times it was me who was sick. I wished we could trade places and I could suffer through it for you. I thought of how this is only the beginning of me wishing that same wish and I will probably always be wishing to bare your burdens for you. I understand completely and suddenly how moms are able to give so much of themselves and still wish they could give more. I would do anything for you, anything in an instant. It is odd how fast my willingness to sacrifice for you came into my every fiber of being!

So you were sick- and then two days after recovery you got sick again! Oh no. It was not fun but not nearly as bad as the first time. We thought you had strawberry allergies for a minute and even took you into the doctor... AGAIN... turns out you were just sick... again. Speaking of the doctor- you had a check up last week (we are getting to know the doctor pretty well lately and paying quite a few co-pays might I add) and you had an awful rash. We couldn't figure out what it was and I assumed it was from feeding you. The doc confirmed it was a topical rash so I blamed Quinn's full FOUR squirts of soap when he bathes you. The rash abated by kept changing and has never fully left. Finally we figured it out tonight. In fact, your rash was so bad you started scratching your chest and you even started bleeding in some places (kill me now). It occurred to us that you ARE allergic to food- but not from eating it, you are allergic to touching it! Oh how bad I feel that I have been exposing you to this painful red puffy itchy rash! We are glad to have finally solved the mystery but now we have a new problem on our hands: how am I going to feed you if you can't touch food! We were FINALLY having a teeny bit of success by letting you feed yourself but now that is out. The only way I could get you to eat is to let you hold big pieces of food and suck on them or put them in your mouth yourself. You think spoons are torture devices. I'm not sure what to do now. I'm hoping it's just veggies and fruits you can't touch and that maybe I can rig up some sort of millet cracker and still feed you puffs. Ug. We have been doing millet (you hate the texture) and you love the taste of bananas, avocados, and sweet potatoes... but I know for sure you can't touch bananas and avocados so... I'm not sure how to get you to eat now. It took a month to keep you from spitting these food out and you still do half the time. Pits. You can't even touch them without your fingers turning red within a few minutes. Oh- now I feel so bad again.

Speaking of food... guess who had teeth! Yes, you! Beautiful you has beautiful teeth! Watching you grow is the most amazing miraculous thing I have ever witnessed. It is completely different when it's your own baby. It's like seeing someone grow for the first time. Your first tooth popped out on February 22nd and the second one appeared this morning! You are so big now. Just this week you have started acting so grown up and so big baby! You can sit up pretty well, grab things with you hands and fingers, and you have started to talk and sing and play games. You love to throw yourself backwards (scary for all of us involved in watching you) and you love peek-a-boo and to be lifted upside down. You also still love head bonks. Annie, you have even learned who Buster is and you look at him when we say his name to you. You sing whenever Mom plays the piano and you still smile all of the time. Your right foot is always moving moving moving and last night when grandpa stopped rocking you, you would move back and forth to get him to start again. Everything you do is the cutest most perfect and amazing thing anyone has ever done. I am positively enamored and in love with you!

New developments are coming fast now. Last night I decided I was done putting you to sleep and (painfully) it was time for you to learn to sleep on your own. I'm not sure why, but I decided since it was going to be painful anyway, to switch to a new arms free sleep sack AND put you in your crib AND stop feeding you before bed AND put you to bed earlier. Sheesh. I'm a tough mom! What was a thinking? We started yesturday and nap time was no good. 2 hours of you crying off and on (but mostly on) before I gave up and "rescued" you. In fact, I had to eat an entire IKEA candy bar to get myself through it! I kept thinking, if only she knew I haven't abandoned her and I'm really right here on the other side of the door crying with her!!!!! Oh the agony. But I was resolved, and when it was time for bed, I let you got 40 minutes before you crashed. Ready for the best news: tonight you only cried for 3 minutes and then you talked yourself to sleep with cute little baby sounds! I can't believe it. I better not say it out loud, but I think we've done it. Way to go Annie. I couldn't be more proud.

I'm proud of you every minute of the day. I spend many moments wondering why on earth there isn't a camera crew filming and documenting everything you do because OBVIOUSLY the entire world should want to see it! Sometimes it almost hurts to think I am the only one enjoying your fabulous-ness! I think to myself, why isn't everyone paying me big money just to watch how cute you are. I'm hooked on you. Totally, completely, positively HOOKED on you. And just to prove it, tomorrow I am going to buy you a house!

Here are some pics of your latest...

You love to play the piano with my mom. You've discovered the joy of hitting the keys but even more, you absolutely LOVE music and will stop whatever you are doing the second a song hits your ears.

I have been putting you in some of my 30-year-old dresses for church and this one is my favorite. You are the star of church and I love showing you off!

You've decided to be okay with your car seat for a week or two. You still HATE getting into it though and do better when the sun isn't shining so I can uncover you and let you see out. You still smile on cue.

You got your first piece of mail. It was a valentine from Lailee!


We took you to the Parade of Homes and you loved walking around and smiling at people and seeing yourself in all of the mirrors! Q carried you the whole time. Everyone admired you as we showed you off.


Q held you as he blew out the candles for his 31st B-Day. You have to have one leg out and kicking all the time. You are also mystified by his hats.


We have started visiting downstairs a lot. Sometimes we catch Grandpa Metcalf who enjoys saying hello and laughing at your silly stares and smiles.


Nor decided to brush your hair into several hairstyles this evening and this is his final creation. We thought you looked like a Hoo from Hooville.

You love attention and are so happy and content. You especially love this frog that Chris bought for the grandparents' house. You've started talking a bit and even have two beautiful teeth!

We have been trying food with not much success. We started and then stopped because you developed this horrible rash and since we've picked back up again it seems you have vetoed anything but puffs. Ug. You were the poster child until now. Food is NOT your forte.


Q sent me this photo of you on his phone when I was at work one Thursday. It was the first time you held your own bottle (unless we count that time I propped it up in your stroller at Costco). I was mad I was at work instead of with you... which happens ALL THE TIME! I can't wait to be a full time stay at home mom but I can't imagine when that will be. I wish it was now! The older you get, the more I hate leaving you for work. I thought it would be the opposite. You are the best little pal and each time I finish working I race home to see you. I don't even hope you are sleeping anymore so I can take a nap. I just have to get my arms around you and quench the aching and longing for you as fast as possible. My arms literally hurt to hold you. In fact, when you cry and someone else is holding you, I can not bare the pain of it and I have to get you into my arms as soon as possible. It's a physical longing I cannot explain and that I now believe will only increase with time. I will never not be able to hold you.

Happy Half Birthday

Dear Annie,
Today you are 6 months old! It is completely exciting in every way. You are so big and doing such big baby things. Your progress blow my mind- but what really gets me is how suddenly and completely we are attached to one another. I can't get enough of you. Every day I spend as much time as possible kissing your chubby cheeks... and you LOVE it! You let me kiss you as often and as many times as I want. You love to cuddle with me and I love to squeeze you. My arms ache for you when we are apart for long and I am convinced you are the most beautiful, smart, perfect angel baby in the world. No really- you are. Everyone tells me this as well. For your half birthday, Q watched you while I taught school then we took you to Walmart where I bought yet another package of binks. I can't figure out where they go especially since you can't even crawl yet! After a big nap, we gave you your first food (if we don't count the apples we've been letting you suck on). You love the taste of avacodos but did not like swallowing solids (or mush anyway). Still, you did very well and enjoyed the entire experience. You let us know how awesome this new eating thing is with squeals of delight. I think the mess was your favorite part. We are hoping some real food might help you sleep longer periods of time at night. 6 months of 3 hour sleep increments is taking it's toll on your mother dearest! I am ready to sleep longer! So Happy Birthday to my amazing daughter who has made every bit of my life fuller and deeper and better in every way. Whose little hands touching my face warm my heart beyond explanation. Whose laughs and smiles are worth millions and millions of dollars. Whose perfect personality is intriguing and interesting. You are my world. I love you forever and ever. I ask you often if you can stay a cute little baby forever. You love being a baby so much and are completely happy and content all the time. It is an odd thing to be excited for your growth and progress while at the same time be totally sad that you are changing so fast. I don't want to miss it later but I know I will yearn for sweet baby Annie the rest of my life. You are beyond description. -Mum


The latest developments:

More cute dresses from 30 years ago. This was a few days before you became utterly and scarily sick beyond measure!

We now read books to you right before bed time. We think the bath was getting you a little too wound up for sleep so we are hoping this helps calm you down. Actually, I think it was working quite well until you got sick. I was putting you to bed while you were awake even... but now. Oh boy- we are back to square 1 and I am cheating by feeding you to get you to sleep.

You have started to sit up by yourself. We have to keep a close eye on you because you topple over, but you can sit unassisted for a bit. Now that you can sit up, you like this way better than sitting down. Toys are more exciting too. If I put the right toy in front of you, I can get you to stay on your tummy for maybe 4 seconds now instead of you trying to roll over before I even finish setting you down.


You were SO sick. SO SO sick for 10 days. We took you to the doctor and to the hospital. It was the worst ever Annie. So scary. Please don't scare us again. Don't ever be sick again. Your dad was going crazy out of his mind scared for you! He even called grandpa to help him give you a blessing. We have outlawed you getting sick ever again. I must tell you though, even though you were a VERY sick little baby, you didn't cry at all. You smiled through the worst of it.. and the worst was worse than we could bare. Even grandma Cindy had to walk out of the room because she couldn't stand hearing your breathing and wheezing. Oh Annie. We missed you so much while you were sick. We had almost forgotten what you were like it was so bad and so long. Thank heavens you are back!

Lailee is interested in you but you are only interested in her moving feet! Isn't that funny?!?! I though for sure you would like looking at her. Nope- You just keep trying to grab her feet. Silly Annie.

Keeping Up

I am not keeping up as well as I'd like with your journal but between this and the other blogs I am logging, your amazing and fantastic life is documented in full and living color. It's late but I can't bare to think you may not know a few very important things before I go to bed. First is that I absolutely ache to hold you and hug you. My arms yearn for you even in the exhausted moments of putting you down after a middle-of-the-night snack (q hates when I call it that). I am amazed by you and caught myself thinking much today of how I will long for these days and perfect moments with you when I am old and you are no longer little and so squishy. I told Q tonight how weird it feels that in the same instant I am excited for when you are older but want to keep you frozen like this forever. I listen to Grandma Polly talk about her kids when they were babies and it makes me realize just how precious this time is. Here are a few things about you. I try to keep the intimate moments between us or day-to-day snap shots in this journal so you have a better picture of what you life is like when you are the most perfect adorable baby in the universe.

(Above) You are really getting into play time and can sit up so well now. Here you are in your activity center. Your feet are almost touching the bottom but for now I have to spin you from toy to toy.




(Above) I wanted to capture the precious moments we have with you when it's time to go to bed. Q is the best at getting you to accept lotion being put on your face. This is also the most perfect time (in your opinion) to suck on your toes! You love your right big toe the best so I caught it on film. You also make the cutest faces (straight lips and pudgy pouts). Lately you giggle when I kiss your chubby legs. It is so fun to play with you and you LOVE getting your diaper changed!

(Above) I'm not sure if anyone loves you more than your Grandpa Ron. He calls himself "grandad" and refers to you as "his baby". Right now you like to sit on his lap, touch his face, and listen to his crazy sounds. He talks about you all the time and is amazed by you perfect little face and fast development.

(Above) You are starting to try to sit up on your own and we think you are getting quite bored with being immobile. In this pic you are watching your favorite thing ever: Football. You absolutely LOVE football. You will sit on Q's lap and watch football forever! If we turn the channel, you don't like TV nearly enough- and you totally know the difference between football and any other sport. You have loved football from your first months of life. It is so funny!


(Above) You like to move your right leg MUCH more than your left. Your right leg is ALWAYS going a million miles an hour or you are playing with your right foot. Usually, you just forget about your left. You particulary love to slide and kick your right leg back and forth when it sit you on a table and hold onto to you.

(Above) You love people and to be in the middle of the action and commotion. In this pic I am carrying you around at our New Years party in PV. You also let me put your bunny hat on without a fight but I generally don't put hats or bands on your head because I can't stand to cover your totally rad mad scientist hair!


(Above) You have always seemed to know Grandma Polly, like you two are kindred spirits from the start. Here she is singing your favorite little birdie song! When you were just two months old, you would stop and focus on GPo when she sang this song and seemed to recognize it when I sang it to you at home. You also love Claire de Lun and This is a Little Irish Jig for Annie (I made it up and you LOVE it- it's the only one that will get you to stop crying when we are driving and you are imprisoned in your car seat).

(Above) Look at you! No more pram. Tonight I put you in the Uppa Baby and pulled you up to the table so you could watch us play cards. You love this ugly crakle-book so much! In fact, mom bought it because you liked the one I bought you so much. When all else fails, you will play with this with no abandon.


(Above) Q moved your bath of the counter and into the tub because of your intense splashing. I took these photos because your hair was too awesome to forget. I need to get you some bath toys. We have moved your bath time up a bit because (thanks to a suggestion from Mom, we discovered your bath gets you too hyper for bed right away). We let you soak as long as possible and lately Q has been the best bath giver.

ANNIE AVI:
I really need to start getting your videos uploaded so we will start with these two. The first is from tonight when GPo wheeled you around and then played for you while we had a card game. You love music. No, really- you LOVE music. GPo and Mom are convinced you are some sort of Mosart sans the autism. I am so excited I got GPo singing the Birdie song on tape!

(Below) In this one you were mesmorized by your first ever look at a candle. I'll have to remember this in case I need a distraction in the furture. You have done so well with the boppy early on.